Hey guys, welcome to one of my late night philosophical rants!
I have finally finished all my assessment for the year and I’m feeling absolutely free. I’m not really sure why I’m writing this, but today I feel like I want to tell you what I think about when there’s nothing I have to think about, and maybe see if anyone else has the same weird quirks. When I’m stressed I completely shut down and don’t think about anything other than the work that needs to be done. As soon as my brain is free to wonder without distractions though, I start to over think absolutely everything. It’s not that I’m particularly worried about consequences or what people will think of me – it’s much more internal. I think about whether or not I’ll remember a certain moment in twenty years, or if I’ll remember the fact that I thought about whether or not I’d remember it. I try to imagine the exact feeling I’ll have after I do what I do, and then I compare my imagined feeling with how I really feel. I do this all the time, like if I’m on the bus I think of myself getting off the bus and try to pinpoint exactly how I will feel. Weird, I know.
I sometimes find special moments in the most mundane activities. Like today, I was doing the washing up, and the breeze that was coming in through the window made my eyes water. I looked up and the sky was a beautiful deep blue because the sun was going down, and then a tear rolled down my cheek because of the cold wind, and I just thought that I wanted to remember this moment forever and remember exactly how I felt. I document so many of these moments, and whenever I listen to music on the bus or before bed I go through them like a case file, remembering all the little pieces of my life and trying not to miss anything. I know this is sounding super crazy but it’s not like it affects the way I act; it’s just a constant thing that’s going on in the background of my mind when it feels free to do what it wants. Does anyone do this? Please comment, it would be nice to know that I’m not the only one!
I’m an INFP (check out my post: “Personality Type – INFP” if you have no idea what that means) and they’re known to be a little distant (ok, very distant) and out of touch with reality, which could explain why I spend so much time inside my brain. I do think though that the “out of touch with reality” thing is only true for a certain type of reality. I think every person has a different reality, and I know that I am very in touch with mine.
Like I said I don’t really know why I’m writing all of this, but this blog has become a sort of diary for me and writing has always been my way of making sense of myself and my thoughts. I’m sorry if it’s a little disjointed or confusing, I didn’t plan this at all and basically just put my thoughts on the page in the order that they were coming to me. I’m so interested to see if anyone else has similar quirks, or entirely different quirks for that matter. If you feel like sharing, please make the comment section of this post a place to do just that!
I hope you enjoyed reading, and I’ll be back soon with that post about Prague!
Until then, much love